


Rational Decision Making Under The Influence

by kathartic



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Set After Tokyo Babylon, a dash of humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 08:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18048776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathartic/pseuds/kathartic
Summary: It's a date and things don't go as badly as they could. Subaru gets drunk; Seishirou behaves responsibly.





	Rational Decision Making Under The Influence

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to oh_fudgecakes for betaing!

As an onmyouji, Subaru did not have the luxury of asking himself whether it was possession that compelled him to do things he shouldn’t be doing. He knew after all that, no, it wasn’t and that, yes, every bad decision was his and his alone.

Thus, he had to acknowledge that it was entirely his own lack of common sense that had compelled him to accept Seishirou’s invitation and that it was his own _boundless stupidity_ that was causing him to trail after Seishirou like a freshly imprinted duckling. A steady ebb and flow of people pushed at him on their way to and from bars, clubs, and restaurants. It was not the liveliness that troubled him—while he’d never partaken in it, Subaru had learnt to navigate Tokyo’s nightlife long before he was legally allowed to drink. Rather, it was the lack of a dignified way out of the situation he’d found himself in.

Subaru fixed his eyes on the back of Seishirou’s head and considered whether escalating the situation into a fight would be worth it. It wouldn’t; he knew that.

He might still do so later.

Seishirou stopped and Subaru crashed into him, causing Seishirou to turn with one eyebrow raised. Face warming, Subaru backed away immediately and mumbled an apology.

“We’re here,” Seishirou said and motioned for Subaru to follow him.

They entered a very small, tidy bar. Immediately, Subaru thought that the place fit Seishirou: Stylish and elegant without being overbearingly so. He himself felt slightly out of place with his ill-fitting sweater and the coat he’d worn every day for a few months now.

The few tables were already occupied, so Seishirou led Subaru to the thankfully empty counter where they sat down next to each other. The bartender, a middle aged woman with tied-back hair and laugh lines on the corners of her eyes, immediately came over to them. “Sakurazuka-san! It’s so nice to see you again.”

Seishirou smiled up at her in a way that made Subaru’s heart tighten almost painfully because he knew it so well. “The same to you.”

As the two of them exchanged pleasantries, Subaru examined their surroundings. He was sure there was a system to the way the bottles behind the bar were arranged, but he couldn’t find it. It looked nice either way. The counter was made from dark, lacquered wood, shining in the warm indirect light. He folded his hands to keep himself from fidgeting. The bartender soon rushed off to find a second menu after only one could be found at the counter.

“Do you visit here often? She knows your name,” Subaru asked in an attempt at small talk.

“Occasionally. Akiko-san just so happens to know everybody who has ever entered her bar. See?”

As if on cue, Akiko returned with the missing menu card and asked with a wink, “And who is your charming company today?”

It took Subaru a while to register that both Seishirou and Akiko were looking at him, expecting an answer. He hurriedly introduced himself, already reaching for his wallet, but the question for his passport never came. So he did look sufficiently grown up after all. It filled him with a sense of—most certainly undeserved—satisfaction, after so many years of not being taken seriously. Besides, Seishirou had to be approaching thirty by now, didn’t he? Unless he had lied about his age completely, that was… Subaru was glad that he could at least meet Seishirou as a properly recognised adult nowadays. They would probably never be on completely equal footing but he was no longer the immature adolescent, at least.

Or maybe Akiko just trusted her regular guests to not bring minors into her bar. That was a possibility as well.

* * *

Subaru scanned the list of beverages with an increasing sense of worry. He didn’t know any of those names in the first place and most of them being English did not help. His skills were rusty, to say the least. Even the listed ingredients didn’t facilitate his choice: After all, he had no idea what most of them were supposed to taste like. As a general rule, Subaru did not drink alcohol. This wasn’t based on any strongly held convictions but rather taste and lack of opportunity. While his profession made certain demands he strictly adhered to, Subaru did occasionally have a day or two off on which he was free to do as he pleased. Admittedly, there was little he found pleasing these days and alcohol had never been among the things he’d cared for in the first place. After one of his clients had in overwhelming gratefulness pushed a cup on sake on him that he had been too polite to decline, he’d never made a second attempt at drinking.

Next to him, Seishirou put down his list. “Do you want me to pick something for you, Subaru-kun?”

Subaru felt sweat prickle above his upper lip at the realisation that he was being an _inconvenience_. He read faster; the names made even less sense. “No, thank you.”

“Take your time.” Seishirou shrugged.

Finally, he settled on a drink the name of which Akiko helpfully translated as a _Rusty Nail_. The list had given him the useful info that it was quite strong which seemed equal parts stupid and inviting and thus adequate for the situation. It was a rich caramel colour, shining from within in the comfortable lighting of the bar and Subaru looked up into Seishirou’s eyes, both narrowed in quiet amusement. One of them gleamed golden.

There was a metaphor about different qualities of addiction to be found here, but instead of searching for it, Subaru averted his glance.

When Seishirou raised his glass and contemplated it, humming thoughtfully, Subaru knew what was to come before it was said. He gave Seishirou a warning glance, to no avail. “You know, Subaru-kun, it really feels like someone is missing, doesn’t it?”

It did. But that was no reason to mention it. It certainly didn’t give Seishirou the right to utter her name—

“Your sister should have been here. Let’s drink to Hokuto-chan, shall we?” Seishirou held out his glass to Subaru.

The blood drained from Subaru’s face as something in his chest curled up tightly. He slowly rose to his feet. Seishirou’s smile remained, frozen in place on his lips. Subaru shot a glance at Akiko who was tending to the bar, then at the patron closest to them. Neither paid them any mind. Not even when Seishirou’s hand closed around Subaru’s wrist. They must be wrapped in an illusion, Subaru thought, eyes now fixed on where Seishirou’s fingers curled around his wrist. Or maybe it was just that the world continued to turn while he revolved solely around the man smiling up at him as if he had no care in the world.

“Are you going to attack me, Subaru-kun?”

“I should,” Subaru said. Everything inside him screamed for him to charge at Seishirou while his muscles were locked in place.

“You don’t have to, you know.” Seishirou pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “You’re free to make a scene, though—I might join in. We can turn this bar to rubble, but that’s your choice.”

Seishirou let go of his wrist to light himself a cigarette. Where his hand had touched his skin, Subaru felt cold suddenly, even as the ghost of pressure lingered.

“You can pretend that what happened doesn’t matter and keep deluding yourself into not remembering for a while. But that’s very foolish. You accepted my invitation knowing full well who you’d be meeting. Stand by it. Your family would be disappointed either way.”

Subaru’s jaw hurt from the strain of grinding his teeth. He let out a shallow breath through his nose and sat back down, bones heavy. He wanted to ‘make a scene’ as Seishirou had so charmingly put it. It would be easy to shout and punch and fling spells. It would make him feel better. But that was exactly the problem, wasn't it? It would prove Seishirou right.

“So,” Seishirou said, offering his glass again. “To Hokuto-chan.”

“Yeah,” Subaru said, his mouth dry.

They touched glasses with a quiet clink.

When it came to taste, Subaru found the drink’s name rather fitting. Maybe he should have picked something containing juice. Seishirou’s drink looked nice; there was an orange slice perched on the rim of the glass. Or even better, coffee. But it was too late for that now.

Subaru watched Seishirou light a cigarette from the corner of his eye. It did seem like a good idea and so he shoved his hands into his pockets, desperately scouring them for a cigarette, but he could find only his lighter, wallet, and a crushed pack of Seven Stars which was, of course, empty. Inwardly, he sighed.

Maybe Seishirou had seen his shoulders droop. Subaru found himself face to face with a cigarette pack, one cigarette conveniently poking through the opening. The packaging read Mild Sevens. The first brand Subaru had ever tried because, if he was being honest with himself, it all came back to Seishirou. They had made him sick to his stomach at that point and he’d never finished the pack due to that. They were probably still somewhere in one of the many boxes he hadn’t bothered to unpack after his last move.

“Thank you,” he said and accepted the offered cigarette.

Seishirou lit his cigarette and for a while, they sat together in silence. If only Subaru could forget who he was sitting next to it might even have been comfortable silence, but alas, he was hyperaware of the presence next to him. Most importantly of the fact that said presence wasn’t dark or threatening, despite everything. But in a twisted way that was to be expected from this man.

“So, how was the job?”

“The—” Subaru’s eyes darted to meet Seishirou’s. Did that mean—it didn’t. It was just the easy question. Subaru had work all the time and Seishirou clearly had no interest in occupying himself with him. That would imply a level of interest that went beyond bored curiosity and he clearly wasn’t capable of that. Subaru clenched his fist in his lap. No gloves these days, just in case Seishirou would want to find him for a final confrontation. All it had got him was possibly the oddest ‘date’ in human history. Still, he wanted to ask.

_Do you keep tabs on me?_

“Well, you always have some job or other, so I don’t necessarily need to spy on you—or whatever you were suspecting there,” Seishirou said, taking a drag from his cigarette. Only now when the high his suspicion had been sending him on was subsiding did Subaru notice it was there. Meanwhile, Seishirou continued, “I am, however, specifically referring to today’s job at Tokyo Tower.”

Subaru choked on nothing but the smoke in his mouth. He coughed as discreetly as he was capable of and tried to wash away the bad taste with a gulp from his drink that was far too big to be responsible. Considering the taste of said drink, it didn’t help much. He stubbed out his cigarette and immediately felt a wave of regret. “So you are…”

“…keeping an eye on you, yes.”

“Why?”

“I make it a habit to keep up with my prey,” Seishirou said as if this was just another normal conversational topic.

“That is not a real answer,” Subaru said weakly.

“It’s the one I’m willing to give. Take it or leave it, it doesn’t matter to me either way. You can either tell me about your job and the both of us continue enjoying the evening with a bit of small talk, or you don’t. Again, it’s your choice.”

“Why should I tell you about a job you’ve already witnessed?”

“Oh, I wasn’t watching. I had somewhere else to be.” Seishirou chuckled. “But the way you used your powers at that location… you were obviously working.”

Subaru took his drink and sipped on it. “It went well,” he said, beginning his recounting of events. Seishirou was a good listener, reacting at the right moments and asking questions at others. Slowly, the evening slipped back into that slightly tense yet peaceful space it had been in before.

* * *

“You should stop,” Seishirou said at some point, when Subaru’s cheeks were warm and the world was beginning to shift ever so slightly on its hinges.

“Hm?” Subaru looked up at Seishirou. His face refused to come into focus.

“Drinking.”

By the time Subaru noticed that Seishirou had pushed away his glass for him, it was too late to react without embarrassing himself. But he’d finally got used to it, despite the bitterness that was almost comforting by now. “How come you’re so… sober?” he asked.

He’d expected something about differences in weight or being more accustomed to alcohol. What he got instead was, “I’m the designated driver, Subaru-kun.”

Subaru blinked. Oh.

“Let me take you home.”

“…alright.”

They walked to the car in silence, Seishirou supporting Subaru when he stumbled. Despite the several layers of clothing between them he could still feel the warmth of Seishirou’s body on his skin. He would have liked to blame the heat he felt entirely on the alcohol, but the feeling had started when Seishirou had first caught his upper arm. By the time they reached Seishirou’s car, they were walking shoulder to shoulder.

Was this what it could have been like had there been no Bet?

Seishirou didn’t drive the van anymore, of course, and nothing fancy either, just a black run-of-the-mill car among thousands of its kind in the streets of Tokyo. Entirely inconspicuous. But then, master of illusion that he was, Seishirou could have disguised any car of his choosing. For all Subaru knew, since drawing upon his magic to check was a very bad idea in his state, they could still be riding along in a large van with a cat’s face printed on its side. Seishirou threw him a glance from the driver’s seat as Subaru snorted humorlessly. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Not sick if that’s what you’re worried about.” Subaru slumped. His bones were made of lead, he was sure.

“The seat belt will strangle you like that if we get into an accident, you know.”

Oh, wouldn’t that be nice.

* * *

As they pulled up next to the apartment complex Subaru had lived in for the past few months, Seishirou opened the door for him and Subaru got to his feet, swaying slightly. Could he be absolutely sure that it was him and not the ground that was unstable? Because it certainly felt like the latter. The momentum of throwing the door shut almost knocked him off his feet and he stumbled against the car, leaning onto the roof. “I’m fine,” he said hurriedly, resting his cheek against his arm. Just a moment.

“Do you want me to accompany you to your apartment?” Seishirou asked because, clearly, Subaru wasn’t fine.

“Absolutely not.” Letting the Sakurazukamori past his wards—he’d have to drink a great deal more for that to seem like a good idea.

“Suit yourself.”

Subaru looked over his shoulder at Seishirou. There was a streetlight above, casting them in its cool yellow light and spilling sharp shadows over Seishirou’s form. It was odd. Subaru had expected the rush of anger and guilt he should have been experiencing to make the spinning sensation worse. But instead he mellowed as the world narrowed down to the man in front of him. He drank it all in, Seishirou’s relaxed posture with both hands in the pockets of his coat, his one good eye gleaming openly. Subaru wanted to topple Seishirou’s silent self-assuredness, wanted—for once in his life—to draw an honest reaction from Seishirou, force it out of him if he had to. He remembered the warmth of Seishirou’s touch and knew he wanted more of it, to know what it would be like for their bodies to be wrapped around each other, for those hands to roam his skin, what a kiss would feel like.

The blood left his face when it occurred to him that he wanted Seishirou, the man who’d taken his sister away from him. A man he’d only ever got to know as a fabricated persona, a persona he could love but not want.

Subaru screwed his eyes shut when the ground tilted again and pressed his forehead against his fist.

He’d wanted so much too much, longed for it with such an intensity that he should have realised it long ago and it pained him that he’d never have what he so badly wanted. Unless…

Unless.

Subaru bridged the distance between them with one step. His hand came up around Seishirou’s tie, right beneath the knot and he pulled the other man down to his level. And Seishirou let it happen for some reason—Curiosity? Surprise? Did it really matter as long as he did— even as Subaru’s lips brushed over his. His alcohol fuelled bravery threatened to leave him at that point, so he leaned in deeper before it could do so.

When a hand came up to settle against the small of his back, Subaru froze, but that was okay because Seishirou took the lead from him and it didn’t matter that Subaru was all but melting against him, thoughts coming to a grinding halt. It was one thing to kiss Seishirou, it was something different entirely to be kissed by Seishirou. One was a clear expression of his own madness, the other was currently taking what remained of his sanity and tearing it to shreds.

By the time Seishirou broke the kiss, Subaru was out of breath. He met Seishirou’s inquisitive glance with an expression that he knew spoke of confusion and open longing. He couldn’t push things any further, he just couldn’t. Not him. But Seishirou might if he just chose to—

“Good night, Subaru-kun.” Brushing a thumb over Subaru’s lower lip, Seishirou took a step back and walked around the car’s front on his way to the driver’s seat. Subaru looked after him with wide eyes, feeling dizzy and not quite there.

It was better this way, he reminded himself as he turned his back on Seishirou, making for his apartment building. He pulled his coat tighter around himself. Seishirou was still Seishirou and he was still himself. One nice evening didn’t change a thing and didn’t negate the need for their next encounter to be a vicious battle, should it ever occur. Subaru moved like he was suspended in viscous liquid. He would most likely never see Seishirou again. He’d search and hunt and there’d be a day when he wouldn’t know what Seishirou looked like any more but the dreams of what he’d done would never stop, and neither would the longing.

“Subaru-kun,” Seishirou called after him and when Subaru whirled around, he was leaning on the open car door with his arms crossed. His face lay in shadow. “Make sure you’re free next Friday.”


End file.
